Hey Texas Mom: Only Put JUNK in the Trunk

Hey Texas Mom: Only Put JUNK in the Trunk

Every time I set my phone down and think: that’s it; I can die happy now, I’ve just seen the dumbest thing I’m ever going to see.  Every time I think that, some hapless moron out there decides to Leeroy Jenkins it and prove me wrong.  The world is not merely crazy, my friends – it is heavily seeded with stupid people.  Take, for example, a thing which happened right here in my state of Texas recently.  

A woman whose 13-year-old son had recently tested positive for the Rona was taking him to a drive-thru testing site so that he could get a second test.  All right, maybe a little silly, but we’re good so far.  However, when she got there, she informed the people doing the testing that – and I swear I’m not making this up – she had made him get in the trunk of the car, so that she wouldn’t be in danger of getting it.  

Now, I do not flippantly take the “Bad Mother” card out of my wallet and just pass it around to any old person that happens to be wandering by in possession of a uterus.  Nor would I like to make the claim that the temptation to put one or all of my children in the trunk of the car has never danced across the firing neurons of my cerebellum in moments of frustration – anyone who’s ever had kids has daydreamed, fantasized – or even half planned out similar notions.  But you don’t actually do it.

Now, this woman is quite rightly being brought up on child abuse charges, so that’s at least good.  But, as I so often do, I find myself gravitating rhetorically toward the source of this particular bad idea.  And that source is fear.  Unfounded, unvarnished, and certainly unattractive fear.  This woman was so afraid of catching COVID that she put her child’s life in danger on the off chance that his germs weren’t going to circulate through the car’s air system, so long as Junior was stuffed backthere with the spare tire and the toolbox.  And why was she so afraid of something that statistically is far less likely to kill her than, say, a vehicle collision would be to kill her kid?  Because she was told to be.  We’ve been told to be afraid for literally years at this point, people.  And I, frankly, am really sick and tired of it.  And you know who’s probably a lot more sick and tired of it than I am?  Her kid!

We have proven over the interminable months of COVID that we are willing, as a society, to shut everything down – screw the economy, screw the workforce, screw our kids, and definitely screw common sense!  If you can’t figure out that your susceptibility to COVID is less important than your child’s well-being, what the hell are you doing?  Have somebody else drive your kid to the testing site, preferably someone with a damn brain.

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Of course, when I was a kid, nobody thought anything of putting a kid wherever the hell you wanted to put them.  Front seat, back seat, trunk…hell, put ‘em in the wheel well if they’ll fit, and tell them not to touch the tires!  So, what do I know?  

Here’s a little fun punchline to this whole story, by the way.  This woman, this dim-witted mother who’s allowed the fearmongering of the current administration and the mainstream media at large to overrule any thinking power she ever might have had about her?  This woman is – wait for it – a teacher.  Or was…they suspended her after this whole mess.  I don’t know why…it’s not like she could fit a whole class in her trunk.  

Folks, please be smart.  Don’t put your kids in the trunk of your car or in public school.  In my estimation, they’re probably equally dangerous places.  

This story was syndicated with permission from Chad Prather